Bad Puns
by Pechora
Summary: Hades invites Nico to the Underworld and they end up driving Persephone crazy with their bad death/riches puns. Of course, this quickly spreads to the other families.
1. Chapter 1

**Hey guys! This is just a quick series of one-shots inspired by a picture I saw. Enjoy!**

Nico descended into the Underworld for the millionth time in his life. Only this time, Hades had requested his presence for a "family bonding" meeting.

Yeah. He was SO looking forward to this.

Hades wasn't exactly a heart-warming guy, so his efforts to try and make Nico feel more at home touched Nico's heart. He decided to come, even if it might scar him for life. He'd heard about some pretty embarrassing family meetings from his friend, Will Solace. Apparently, his new friend had a very, _very, **very, VERY**_strange family.

Nico walked calmly through the Fields of Asphodel. The spirits parted to let him through, but that was hardly necessary - Nico could walk right through them if he wanted to.

Persephone awaited him at the gates of a looming fortress. Her hair was braided down the side of her head (Katniss style) and her dress was the color of pomegranate seeds - crimson red.

She eyed him coldly before she beckoned for him to follow her. He saw Melinoe, Greek goddess of ghosts, peering out from a window where she had a view of the Fields of Asphodel - her largest domain. Her face was as pale as a specter and yet solid in some way, and her eyes as empty as the moon.

Nico followed Persephone inside the castle doors. She led him through twisted hallways into a Great Hall, where Hades sat at the head of a table in a twisted throne. He stood as Nico came in.

Nico remained blank faced as Hades gestured to a chair on his left side. Nico silently sat down and looked around.

Specters floated around the table to deliver food before disappearing to Tartarus-knows-where. A pretty lady-ghost sighed silently as she gave Nico his McDonald's happy meal box gracefully and poured his glass full of blue coke – a somewhat annoying trait he had picked up from Percy.

He smiled to himself. Percy was like an older brother to him. He understood now that he hadn't _really _had a crush on him, but more like an admiration. His father seemed to know what he was thinking about.

"How are things up there?" Hades asked, pointing towards the roof. Nico shrugged and opened his dinner. 9 piece chicken nuggets with barbeque sauce and fries.

Hades knew him well.

"It's okay," he replied, opening the sauce packets. "I've made some new friends."

Persephone was glaring at him from the seat across from him. "That's a shocker."

Nico returned her glare.

Hades cleared his throat and Nico looked at him innocently. He saw Persephone mirroring the action.

"I asked you to come here so that we could be more of a, what's it called?" He looked at his wife.

"A family," Persephone supplied. Hades nodded.

"A family," he repeated. "As much as you two may not like it, I would like you to try and cooperate as a family."

Nico's jaw dropped. "But she hates me!"

Hades uplifted the corners of his mouth in a light smile. "Then I'm sure this quality time will be to _die _for."

Nico stared at his dad.

Hades had cracked a joke.

Nico smiled, and Hades kept the grin on his face, pleased that he had made his son happy.

"Dad, your jokes are _bone _dry," Nico teased.

Hades looked offended. "My son, I'm afraid you made a _grave _mistake. My jokes are pretty good."

"Stop it," Persephone said, rolling her eyes.

"I don't know," Nico thought aloud. "These puns are pure _gold_."

"These shouldn't stay _buried_," Hades agreed.

"I said stop it," Persephone said, more forcefully this time.

Nico chuckled. "I feel like I'm in joke _Elysium_."

"I said stop!" By now, a lone rose on the table started to wilt, shriveling up and turning brown. Persephone glared thorns at Hades and Nico.

Hades and Nico grinned devilishly at each other.

After a second, Nico decided that she probably felt left out. He decided to move on to another topic.

"You seem _prickly _today," Nico commented.

"Maybe," Hades wondered, "our jokes are too _ripe _for her taste."

"STOP IT!" Persephone demanded.

"Or maybe our jokes are-"

"NO! NO MAYBE! JUST SHUT UP!"

"…too _fruitful_."

"UGH!"

"Or dad," Nico said, doubled over with laughter, "we could be _burying _her _alive _with our bad puns."

Hades nodded, considering the thought. "Could be so, but-"

"Your both _dead_ to me," Persephone said before leaving the room, the boys staring at her in shock.

Then they both laughed together – Nico nearly crying with the hilarity of it all, while Hades just chuckled.

**Ok, review on which parent/child bad puns session I should do next!**


	2. Chapter 2

**THANK YOU SO MUCH PEOPLE OH MY GODS I DIDN'T THINK THIS WOULD ACTUALLY GO ANYWHERE!**

**Ok. Now, I'm not sure if I can do a good job with this or not, but Zeus, Thalia, and Jason (Thank you MarceloxGames and pensandink!) are up. **

**Enjoy!**

Jason wasn't usually considered short.

At least, whenever he wasn't around Olympians.

So, it was logical that he felt like an ant while doing his annual check-up-on-the-temple-project with his father, Zeus. (Or Jupiter…whatever) "Dear ol' Dad" always wanted to see him alone, so no other gods were present as he entered the throne room. It kind of freaked him out, to be honest, but he wasn't about to turn down an offer from his father. He'd tried arguing once – in Athens. Let's just say, the experiment had ended in him almost getting killed. He wasn't eager to repeat that experience or push his father slightly further over his patience limit.

Zeus sat on a royal throne in his usual pinstriped suit. He grunted from behind his beard. "Son." He didn't say it distastefully or fatherly, but more like it was a title.

_Son _of Jupiter.

_Son _of the king of the gods.

_Son _of one of the Big Three.

_Son._

Jason nodded in turn. "Father," he addressed, replying in the same fashion. Zeus seemed to nod thoughtfully. He spread his hands.

"Can't we set aside the formalities?" he asked. Jason said nothing. He was here strictly on godly business.

"The 20th temple to Nemesis in New Rome is nearly finished," Jason reported, ignoring his father's last comment. "We hope to have the 23rd temple to Nike finished by the Winter Solstice."

Zeus nodded again_._ "Well, I hope that the workers aren't having their _heads in the clouds_ while they work on Nike's temple – she can be difficult to handle."

Jason stared. Did he…did Zeus just…

"What's the matter?" Zeus asked. "You _o-zoned_ out for a minute."

Jason hid a smile. "Your puns are just too _lightning_ fast."

Zeus chuckled. "Your mind might be too _clouded_, son, I'm keeping up just fine!"

Suddenly, the doors to the throne room opened. In walked Thalia, with a wolf at her heels and a bow slung on her back.

"Ah, daughter," Zeus greeted. "I'm afraid you _mist _quite a few matters of discussion."

"Don't steal her _thunder, _dad," Jason warned.

Thalia frowned. "I'm trying to decide _weather _or not I should leave…"

Zeus laughed. "Perhaps we should _rain _in these puns and get back to business?"

Thalia shrugged. "Don't get your _thunder_wear in a bunch, we've got time."

"We need to get back to brain_storming,_" Jason warned, but he couldn't hide a small grin.

"These puns are a _breeze_," Zeus said, "but we seriously need to get to work. Thalia, I trust you bring news from Artemis?"

**Oh my gods that was hard. My head hurts from all these bad puns. No joke.**

**Anyway, let me explain the math behind the madness and huge headache. Zeus and Jason aren't really goofy people, and neither is Thalia. However, I have no doubt that they would at least occasionally use puns. That's why this chapter felt a bit more serious. If I did Percy and Poseidon, they would be crying because they'd be laughing so hard.**

**Who is next? You tell me! Review!**

**Ugh. I need an ice pack…**


End file.
